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Saturday, December 31, 2011

Search Terms That Reach This Blog

I've been at it for a year now (Happy new year!), and I thought I'd share with you the most entertaining aspect of this blog: what people punch into a search engine that leads them here.

  • why so much insest on hbo
  • big throbbing cock
  • monkey give hug
  • 10 year daughter drawing disturbing pictures
  • gimp suit
  • bigfoot masturbating
  • power sluts
  • "his leather pants" (yes, exactly that, in quotes)

The most common search I get, though, scares the shit out of me; because more than Skyrim, more than dickbus, more than any other search term, I get people looking for 3d pedo.

  • 3d pedo
  • pedo 3d
  • pedo
  • pedo box
  • 3dpedo

Somewhere earlier in the year I posted about the 3DS and made the grievous error of putting the words 3d and pedo together, and now pedophiles everywhere are convinced that my blog offers the latest in pedophilia technology.

Years ago, if you had asked me how many pedophiles are living in the entire United States, I would've said maybe a thousand out of three-hundred million or so people. Just the concept is so fucking bizarre that I could not comprehend a large body of adults, a fucking sub-culture, revolving around this shit.

And then I saw To Catch a Predator, and at first I thought they were making it all up. It took a few episodes to clear up my naivety, but when it finally clicked, dear god, there was a parade of dudes marching into that god-damned house. A parade of dudes! People are so fucked up it's unbelievable.

So, there you go.
I tried to post something cute, like how someone typed in 'bigfoot masturbating' and ended up here. And instead I ended up talking about the sexual exploitation of children.

Happy new year, pedophiles!


  1. Hold on. Someone just punched the following into a search engine and ended up here:

    "give lydia bigger tits skyrim"

    God bless you.

  2. I thought I had "gimp suit" as a hit once, but I guess not...
    Well, here are a few of my favorites hits from my old blog (nothing's listed on the new one, unfortunately):
    - awkward hard penis
    - chained zombie raped in shed
    - do u really liie pie i do do u i like pie do u like pie i like pie do u like pie it is amazing i love it do u i do do u i do do u i like no i dont i love it
    - is wolf blitzer a vampire
    - tickle secret squirrel
    - movie where a man lets his wife eat a special pie then she dies in the morning

  3. Wow.
    Those are amazing. I'm very, very humbled.

  4. I forgot for a moment that "masturbation" appears on every page of your blog.

    Yeah, that post you wrote about 3DS pedophilia was one of my favorites. It's almost as if the 3DS was made by and for Japanese guys.