I can actually guarantee that this will be the stupidest thing that you'll ever see in your life.
The following is the narration of a piece of super-low-grade fan fiction by some poor third grader named Squirrelking who made the horrible mistake of posting amateur work on the internet.
If you're going to be insulted by an anonymous team of machinima developers then this is how you want it to happen. The machinima mimics the writing style perfectly.
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